When people say they are doing the force, they are actually doing the chuck norris. Simply by pulling on both ends, chuck norris can stretch diamonds back into coal. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, chuck norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that chuck giveth, and the good chuck, he taketh away. Chuck norris jokes best chuck norris jokes, facts, quotes.
Chuck norris jokes best chuck norris jokes, facts, quotes and sayings adams hilarious joke books book 10 kindle edition by roos, adam. Samara vs chuck norris chuck norris jokes, chuck norris. Chuck norris was once on celebrity wheel of fortune and was the first to spin. Chuck norris protocol design method has no status, requests or responses, only commands. Mar 25, 2006 some of chuck norris favorite chuck norris jokes when the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for chuck norris.
The complete chuck norris joke book by robert schneider. Chuck norris jokes, pictures, and anything that has to do with chuck norris that is worth a laugh or a chuckle. If you flip over china its says made by chuck norris. The facts are normally absurd hyperbolic claims about norris toughness, attitude, sophistication, and masculinity chuck norris facts have spread around the world, leading not.
Chuck norris can light a fire by rubbing two icecubes together. See top 10 chuck norris jokes from collection of 2497 jokes rated by visitors. After a night of partying, chuck norris doesnt throw up, he throws down. The action star practically has a second career inspiring memes and jokes, thanks to his tough guy reputation. God can walk on water, chuck can swim through land. When chuck norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between chuck norris and chuck norris. A true icon of action films, chuck norris made a name for himself through his films such as the delta force, walker, texas ranger, and the hitman. When an episode of walker texas ranger was aired in france, the french surrendered to chuck norris just to be on the safe side. Chuck norris walks into a house it then becomes haunted. Chuck norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass.
Were all in need of some comic relief every once in awhile. We all chuck norris as he is the legends and he has shared some of the most amazing jokes. A musthave paean to the archetypical american male and a bible of all things chuck, the truth about chuck norris is easily. Mar 10, 2016 in 2007, however, penguin usa collated the best of these chuck norris facts and released a book called the truth about chuck norris. Book of jokes has have over 500 thousand hilarious jokes from over 100 categories waiting to be. Chuck norris, computer, death, life, technology when chuck norris goes out to survive in the wilderness, the wilderness ends up trying to survive from him.
Incase, you missed there is the section of mexican pictures jokes, enjoy you may also like jew jokes, white people jokes. The chuck norris jokes started in the summer of 2005 as the result of a thread on the somethingawful forums. He is the most powerful being on the internet and the chosen one destined to bring balance to the universe. Some magicans can walk on water, chuck norris can swim through land.
Chuck norris grinds coffee with his teeth and boils water with his own rage. Initially distributed in the something awful forums, the facts centered on vin diesel, in response to his film the pacifier. Chuck norris died 20 years ago, death just hasnt built up the courage to tell him yet. Chuck norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger by yelling, bang. Chuck norris jokes quotes meet your next favorite book. If you dont like, then by all means feel free to ignore me. For the first time ever, in the official chuck norris fact book, chuck gives readers not only his favorite facts, roundhousekicked by the man himself, but also the stories behind the facts and the code by which chuck lives his life. After serving in the united states air force, norris won many martial arts championships and later founded his own discipline, chun kuk do. Chuck norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants. Chuck norris jokes really funny clean jokes and humor. In the beginning, when god created the universe, he uttered the phrase let there be light, chuck norris said back say please, and so god did, and chuck created light. We have divided and organized all the jokes, riddles, insults and pick up lines into different categories, to make is easier for you to find your favorites pieces.
Chuck norris halloween facts ghosts sit around the campfire and tell chuck norris stories. The legend worlds funniest jokes book 3 by oliver oliver reed. However, the way they talk and their accent has been given a funny twist in these amazing mexican jokes. Plenty of dry humor material of the kind i enjoy anyway out there.
Chuck norris threw a grenade and killed 50 zombies, then it. Then you can start reading kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer no kindle device required. Enter your mobile number or email address below and well send you a link to download the free kindle app. Chuck norris programs occupy 150% of cpu, even when they are not executing. Lets read through some offensive jokes with rod danger. Fans from every corner of the globe will enjoy both the fanciful and inspirational from one of the world. Chuck norris halloween facts, funny chuck norris facts. If you ask chuck norris what time it is, he always says, two seconds. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects chuck norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. My 11 year old grandson loves chuck norris and chuck norris jokes. The jokes are hilarious, as chuck norris jokes always are. Browse our entire database of chuck norris jokes facts.
After a few months, forum members chose chuck norris to be the new subject. T roundhousekicked bestseller lists, ian spector returns to complete the thrillogy that has become just as unstoppable, herculean, and legendary as chuck norris himself. Chuck norris, mr t and arnold schwarzenegger died in a plane crash they got to heavens door way and god asked them what there business is. Chuck norris facts originally started appearing on the internet in early 2005. Norris is most famous for his stint as a martial artist, but he was a talented actor as well. Book of jokes allows you to browse, search, read and share hilarious and the most funniest english jokes of all time. Best chuck norris jokes facts browse the full list.
Chuck norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed amelia earhart while she was flying over the pacific ocean. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants. Few celebrities have sparked a cult following like the roundhousekicking chuck norris. For three years, people from everywhere have inquired in person and by mail about what i think of particular chuck norris facts. Robert rousseau is a martial arts expert and a former senior writer for mma fighting. My boyfriend saw this book in spencers and stated he had to have it. Funny mexican jokes are the most lively people that you will ever come across and they have some of the most delicious meals and amazing traditions. Oct 06, 2009 the chuck norris military unit was not used in the game civilization 4, because a single chuck norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
Chuck norris jokes have everything that you want from the jokes. My favorite is chuck norris peed in a cup and sold it. The complete chronicle of the worlds deadliest, sexiest, and beardiest man. Chuck norris one liners really funny clean jokes and humor. This movie featured vin diesel as a navy seal turned babysitter. The continents dont drift they back slowly away from chuck norris. Chuck norris jokes with added push and play laughter.
Download it once and read it on your kindle device, pc, phones or tablets. Chuck norris doesnt bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint. The truth about chuck norris and millions of other books are available for amazon kindle. Carlos ray norris born march 10, 1940 is an american martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter. Chuck norris can lead a horse to water and make it drink. After the deaths of 10 child actors the producers of the show sidekicks decided to cut the scene where chuck norris pats the kid on the back for winning the tournament. Funny chuck norris jokes a man known for his roundhouse kick. Strongman and cultural icon chuck norris stars in a fantastic number of oneline jokes on the internet, satirical comments on his portrayal of the ideal martial arts master who never loses a fight or drops a punch. Im going to post a daily chuck norris meme for a while just to provide a different lighten up topic category for awhile. Onisionspeaks has fun interesting topics and uhohbro is just a hilarious stuff channel. Chuck norris can spawn threads that complete before they are started. Here you will find different jokes, riddles, pick up lines and insults.
After serving in the united states air force, he competed as a martial artist who won many championships and has since founded his own school of fighting, chun kuk do. Chuck norris is an american martial arts icon known mostly for the popular book chuck norris facts. Chuck norris can tell a black joke without looking over his shoulder. They are separated by subject, which makes it easy to find the joke you want. Chuck norris turns 75 today, and the internet is celebrating. Chuck norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the. For three years, ive been solicited to write this manuscript. Every piece of furniture in chuck norris s house is a total gym.
Chuck norris once entertained chuck connors at his ranch, but chuck bronson and chuck brown crashed the party. Chuck norris facts really funny clean jokes and humor. Chuck norris can see around corners with his penis. Theres no such thing as a tornado chuck norris just hates trailer parks.
Submit your own chuck norris jokes and facts to our site. Conan obrien s chuck norris jokes on late night with conan o. The roads on his ranch are chockfull of chuck holes. When alexander graham bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from chuck norris. Many of these jokes were documented in a series of books by author ian spector including the truth about chuck norris. Shortly after, in hollywood, norris trained celebrities in. Chuck norris once urinated in a semi truck s gas tank as a joke. Norris is also a black belt in brazilian jiu jitsu and judo. Chuck norris doesnt mow his lawn, he dares it to grow. Chuck norris ordered a big mac at burger king and got one.
The legend of chuck norris lives on after the deadly duo of the truth about chuck norris and chuck norris vs. Where did the chuck norris joke phenomena originate from. In recent years, a mythology has sprung up around the action icon, with tales about his great fetes becoming their own brand of joke. Chuck norris facts are satirical factoids about american martial artist and actor chuck norris that have become an internet phenomenon and as a result have become widespread in popular culture. Chuck norris uses a stunt double during crying scenes. Chuck norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month, they bleed for a week because of it. Rate each chuck norris joke fact with our 5 star rating system. Chuck norris pressed a button on a computer keyboard and this entire book was written. Comment on top 100 chuck norris jokes superman once had a dream that he spiderman batman and captain america found chuck morris and beat him to death. Chuck norris, fitness, gym a colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if i could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop. Texas ranger, chuck norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Chuck norris doesnt flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it. Norris is a black belt in tang soo do, brazilian jiu jitsu and judo. The ultimate top 25 chuck norris the programmer jokes. Chuck norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. After serving in the united states air force, he competed as a martial artist who won many championships, and has since founded his own school of fighting, chun kuk do. In the movie hitch hikers guide to the to the galixy the answer to the ultimate question is 42. Chuck norris was the first person to tame a dinosaur. When chuck norris calls 911 its to ask if everything is ok. The ultimate collection of 644 chuck norris jokes, if you know of more please post them at the bottom.
Carlos ray chuck norris born march 10, 1940 is an american martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter. Chuck norris is the only human being to display the heisenberg uncertainty principle you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face. We have chuck norris jokes for you that will make it hard for you to control your laughter. I looked through several chuck norris joke books, but this one was written by chuck norris himself and is very clean. Christmas was right away the corner so we didnt buy it at the time. Chuck norris chases sharks when he smells them bleed. Some little kids like to wear superman costumes until they find out that superman wears a chuck norris costume. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Chuck norris doesnt write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. Chuck norris has a wood chuck ranch where he eats chuck steak at the chuck wagon. Mar 10, 2015 chuck norris turns 75 today, and the internet is celebrating. Chuck norris cannot be stopped reveals 400 allnew facts about the roughest.
This app is all you need to keep smiling because we are masters of laughter and entertainment. I signed up to win this book for my husband through the goodreads giveaway, and if id read more carefully to discover that norris himself wrote the book, i could have guessed how pathetic the book might be. Chuck norris grabbed them by the seat of their pants and shirt collar, and chucked them out the door. When chuck norris enters into a courtroom, the judge stands up. Chuck norris doesnt actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. Chuck is very honest about his moral and spiritual failings, and when he talks of repentance, he speaks in concrete terms of sin and turning to christ. So, finally, im happy to offer the world the official chuck norris fact book, 101 of my favorite facts, with. Chuck norris meme edition joke battles wikia fandom. Chuck norris doesnt have a beard, he has hair on his face. Kyle minogue wishes she had an ass like chuck norris.